March 11, 2017
Hares: Fucking Tampon and Trampoline
Box: Ceti Bay overlook
on-home: just a little north off the road
Trail summary: After trail, ThumpHer threw out his one-trick pony insult of, "oh hey, I didn't know the boonie stompers were setting trail this week" because the first half of trail was literally just the actual trail down to the bay. Now normally I make it a policy to never, EVER mention ThumpHer in a positive light or to give credence to a lame and tired insult. But, to be fair, we literally did see a group of hikers, armed with hiking poles and granola bars, about to start this trail right before sunset. Trail went down to the bay, coasteered over the Spanish Bridge (nice to see trail using part of one of the old Bro runs), up into the jungle, into one of the tributaries, up the series of small waterfalls, and back to the road.
At the box, the hares said they had left their balls on trail and anyone who got them would get a prize (Tampon lost his years ago). The FRBs show up to an on-back early in trail, and I see a tonka truck and a huge thing of Styrofoam in a tree. I'm thinking maybe it's a different interpretation of a ball, but then blowhole says, wait, I see something up ahead. About 15 yds away, in a tree, is one of those round floaties that hang off the side of a tuna boat. It's color can only be described as "scrotum pink," so we assume Blowhole has found the first ball. He heroically drags this thing through the rest of the 3/4 of the trail left back to the on-home only to find out it wasn't one of the balls, but he got a prize anyway. But there were plenty more balls to be found, mostly in the tributary. Hashing up a river with a basketball in one hand, I have a new found respect for Minstrel carrying his horn all the time. Also, though I had no idea what the prize was, I had this nightmare of carrying this stupid ball all the way up the tributary only to lose control of it on the last waterfall and see it roll down to Drip Lip, who would then pick it up, say thanks very much, and HE would get the prize. #FRBnightmares. That didn't happen, and it turns out that the hares didn't leave these balls as prizes, there was just so much damn trash and they wanted to use the hounds to pick it all up. They were not expecting for so many hounds to come in with balls. They ran out of the prizes (Longboards) (also the old guys poached a few), so Tramp had boobs for all the ball catchers! Hooray!
At religion, after the obligatory Trampoline-makes-Tampon-learn-alternative-lyrics-to-a-hash-song-so-she-can-show-off-her-singing-voice, we got down to business. Amelia Airfart flew in long enough to not mark checks. Vaj of Despair also came back for a visit and thoroughly trolled NoShowBro by gifting him a tiny guitar with 4 levels of hash songs each on a laminated paper that could be velcroed to the back of the guitar. All this was necessary b/c NoShow apparently didn't know any hash songs when he visited Vaj of Despair in Macau. Though he awkwardly came up twice to sing a few songs, I have no doubt that somehow his awkwardness translated into at least three ladies going moist with adoration around the circle. That guy has more game than a golden retriever I swear. Menstruating Minstrel was gone recovering from ball surgery (true story), which meant that Trampoline had the green light (with her aforementioned singing voice) to show off a few new ones. Shite-cicle got his own song from the song "Bicycle," appropriately sung by Queen. This prompted Bush "have I told you I'm a lesbian at least 3 times today?" Master to protest that she had been wanting this song to be for her in the form of "Dyke-cicle." Oh internet celebrities and their need for attention. The circle swiftly turned the tables by singing Shite-cicle's song like five more times in a row so everyone could learn it.
Honor to Cowabunghole who found my missing keys, and honor to the hash!
On-on to the 1814!
"The PENis mightier."