January 28, 2017
Hares: Bambi, Eager Beaver, Fucking Rebar, and Slurpee
Box: down road by watertank from Talafofo Bay
On-home: rocky beach run down from 3 way stop
Trail summary: the Mankini Run, the effeminate but lovable little brother to the Bro Run, reminded us all why banana hammocks and trail don't mix. The trail was set that morning because, depending on who you believe, all the other hares were whining and couldn't agree (Bambi's version), or Bambi kept getting lost (everyone but Bambi's version). So it was full of swordgrass cutting up precious and untested skin of our pasty inner thighs, or it was long and pointless swims virtually guaranteeing a portion of the pack has lepto in the next 10-21 days. They did give us a beer stop 200 yards away from the on-home, but with Trampoline, Bohnbei (sp?), and the ocean, the view was great 360 degrees around.
Religion featured guests from all over the place. There was Pubic Bay, a transferring hasher from Lagos, Nigeria (white guy). There was Mud Butt from Saipan, who was like, hey, I thought y'all were shit-talkers over here. This is tame. We immediately appeased him by bringing up our Ass Crack Grundle Bundle for a butt chug. The visitor seemed to enjoy this way too much, especially since Grundle's balls dip lower toward tea-bag-ville every single time he is the butt-chug funnel.
We also had the best crop of FNGs in quite a while. Eat Shit and Die, who had manscaped his happy trail into an arrow pointing to his junk, brought Just Alla (umbrella, alla, alla, hey, hey), from Cote D'Ivore (that's the Ivory Coast for all you Anglophones). Not only was Just Alla hot, but she also (1) showed her boobs multiple times and (2) stole a small Buddha figurine out of someone's driveway. She eventually bored of her new religious idol, and Piece of Dumb Ass picked it up and proclaimed it hers. But, the damage had been done, and she's now named Karma-jacker (just ignore the fact that Karma is a concept from Hinduism, not Buddhism.) Just Larla, not to be outdone, brought two hot FNG ladies, both of whom also boobed it out. Even the dudes weren't that bad. Honor to them and those who made them come!
The hares were accused early and often of a shitty trail. Eager Beaver had no kidding 3 levels of mankini on, each one skimpier than the rest. Goni, Beeatch, and I all had birthdays, but the terrain was so rough that we all just had to be on all 4s while the line of ladies proceeded over us in a spanking tunnel. Goni got the worst of it. He said his ass was still burning the next day. Some of the lamer dudes (read as: Slurpee) tried to get in on joining the spankers. He thought he was sounding smart by continually repeating, "gender is a choice." Yes it is, but being a bitch, doesn't make you a woman. Then we ran out of beer, so sport drinking was cancelled.
Pubic cervix announcement: the Bro Run, Feb 11, features a shirt. $14 for the shirt, so just bring your 20 bones. You won't regret it (after-party at TFI's place).
On-on to the 1808!
"The PenIS mightier."