Hash Trash #1812
March 4, 2017
Hares: Beandad, I'm On A Goat, The Long One
Box/On-Home: Mount Santa Rosa
Talk about a master class in hashing. For some reason we had a small army of FNGs this week, and the hares decided to set their expectations unrealistically high with an awesome northern trail. Drip Lip, Tampon, Minstrel and I easily relieved the hares of their shorts less than a minute after box broke, which took the pressure off so we could explore the awesome caves on trail. The first cave separated the Eagles from the Turkeys, the second cave went on seemingly forever and featured a black rock river, and at the third cave, Toe Stroker and Goofy FCE were waiting to lei all the lucky hounds. I've always wanted to get lei'd in a cave. Insert joke about how the caves were moist and tight and deep, etc etc. After that the marks got weird and for some reason we went through someone's yard, but caves are the best and so the hares get a pass from my usual bitching. (Don't get used to it.)
Unfortunately this was also a master class in injuring yourself on trail. Funbags followed in her boyfriend's footsteps and fell down a cliff, and in true harriette form she wrecked her body but saved her beer. Fucking Rebar, fresh out of recovery for stabbing one foot with rebar on trail, followed in his own footsteps by stabbing the other foot with rebar on trail. Also
As is always the case with spiritual endeavors, religion left us with more questions than answers: How did Beandad get his jeep down into the caves? Where did all these FNGs come from? Why is Switzerland the punchline to that FNG's joke? What the fuck was going on with that Italian guy's story, and how could it be simultaneously so hilarious and so incomprehensible? When did Just Paulo (Now shite-cicle) shit himself, and why didn't he clean up before he sat on the ice? Which body part will be the next target of Fucking Rebar's self-impalement? And most importantly, who stole my cheese puffs?
Pubic cervix announcement: Next week is the Trampy Tampy trail and it will be really, really pretty, but also LONG. Bring headlamps and water and don't bitch to me the length, because I warned your sorry ass.
On-on to the 1813!
What happens on the hash stays on the hash, except when it's written in the hash trash.