Headline: Angry, not-consulted landowner reluctantly joins religion set on his property. Becomes songmaster
Sub-headline: Godzirra tries to burn down Minstrel's half-built house, one spare 2by4 at a time
No-no from the Hare-raising party
For those of you who weren't cool enough to set a trail in 2016, you missed the AH3's facsimile of a good old fashioned small-town Friday night: Meet a bunch of your friends in an empty field. Eat a lot of pizza. Drink a shit-ton of beers. Switch to liquor. Burn a bunch of stuff. And listen to loud music from an absurdly over-sized truck (Brovaltine, obviously compensating for something). All we were missing was the JV cheerleader giving a blowjob behind a tractor. The high and low were provided by Soul Sucker and Goni. Soul Sucker, the low, passed out unfashionably early but that led lots of people to cuddle with her on the cardboard she was passed out on. Meanwhile, Goni. the high, woke up on top of the watertank having no idea how he and his sleeping bag got up there. His first thought was, "wow I have to take a shit." (true story). His second thought, while tip-toeing over the watertank's unstable surface was, "wow, I hope I don't fall off and die, cause if I did, I'd probably shit myself on the way down." (less true story).
October 22, 2016
Hares: Fucking Tampon, Bambi, My Little Goni, and 2 Beer Queer
Box: Japanese caves on Nimitz
On-home: Minstrel and PC's half-built house
Trail summary: Something to Jump off of gets these hares an automatic A. Haven't gotten to say that in a while, so a nice reminder to all you would-be hares. This being World Peace Through Beer, the pack got to sample shitty beers that other countries get drunk off of and pretend to enjoy. Example, whatever beer that was from Tahiti...not good. The fake Guam beer brewed in Wisconsin...well, we already knew that one sucked (cf Murphy's Irish Stout, which was delicious). The first beer stop was literally feet away from the box, and the second was a short walk down the road to the overlook where I got to see Grundle Bundle wearing one of Just Stephan's high school wrestling singlets (you're as confused as I am).
These hares were smart (first and last time i'll say that) in that they bifurcated their four beer stops: two right at the beginning, two at the very end. Right after BS#2, we went into the jungle, meaning most of us were only two beers deep by the time we hit the always fun Fontae River. There was the aforementioned jump-off spot, as well as plenty of slippery rocks for tipsy hashers to slip on. Tiny made it out late, but Diarrhea and two others decided they didn't want to do all the waterfalls. Instead, they flew straight up the bank, through thorns and swordgrass and who knows what else. I saw Diarrhea at the on-home, so I guess everyone was cool.
Meanwhile, the 3rd and 4th beer stops at the end of the trail were on the pipeline road. At the last stop, manned by Goni, Minstrel, already suspecting where the trail is going to end, asks Goni, "so, did you get the permission of the landowner for your on-home?" Goni stiffens a bit, bites his upper lip, and looks down. Yup, you can guess where this is going. Minstrel and PC's property is just over the hill (much like PC), and according to some of the silverbacks, it's tradition to on-home at someone's new property without telling them. The half-built house was a great spot for the sunset, and plenty of us marked our territory on various corners of the house.
With so much beer flowing (good and shitty alike), the 1793 religion was one of those where the whole circle gets all antsy in their pantsy and no one can shut up. Tyrant's yelling was more like pleading, "seriously, we're so close to being done, just shut the fuck up." He had to do this because his RA was Sarah Uber Drunk. Just Caitlin was back after a long stay away and brought with her a disappointingly douchey FNG boyfriend. Tits were shown, Saipans were high-tenned, and songs were sung. It was a good time for all. Except Minstrel, who had to fight Godzirra to keep him from burning his construction supplies. At first we thought it was a joke, but no, those pieces of wood Godzirra was throwing in the fire over Minstrel's protests were supposed to have been used to construct a new home. Oooooops. Gomenasai.
Pubic Cervix Announcement:
1-this week's run is halloween. Costume friendly, but we've been told that before. Bring $$ for beer stops
2-Cancer sucks run in 2 Saturdays (11/5). t-shirts for $20, and all proceeds go to cancer sucking less
On-on to the 1794!
"What happens on the hash, stays on the hash...except when it's written in the hash trash."