Hares: Bi Bubble Yum, Greasy Poon, One-eyed Willy
Box: SDA in Agat
on-home: just up Rte 2
Headline: The Arc gets stolen. Tyrant blames anyone who has even heard of the thief, which is mostly just Mana Montana
Sub-headline: Two Buck goes on the fly of his life, retrieves arc, saves religion
Honor: huge honor to the lovely, talented, and birthday girl Tramp-o-line for holding down the hash trash for the last 3 weeks. She was so happy to be done writing for a while that she went full throttle at herSunday flotilla and almost died defending her chicken fighting title. But that's another story...
Trail summary: I'm an injured little bitch, so I didn't do it. But, it was NOT a repeat of the 1683 (#neverforget), which is what the hares billed it as, which is probably why there were only like 30 people who showed. The trail was actually pretty short, but that didn't stop some idiots, led by Log Jammin', from flying down to the beach, where the on-home was not at. So instead of a nice cluster of finishers, we had people in within an hour and others out way past dark. Oh well, sucks to suck. Speaking of sucking, One-eyed Willy. Our newest E-harmony engagee was the victim of being the junior hare, which meant BBY and Greasy sacrificed him to the flying spaghetti monster--Dr Doolittle. He got his shorts honorably snared. Meanwhile, our other two hares managed to get to the on-home after Willy was caught but before Two Buck and Beandad made it. They proudly drank their beers from the on-home while yelling pleasantries and obscenities at the flyers down below.
While everyone was hanging out at the on-home, being merry and shit, disaster struck. I'm standing by Mana Montana. Not really talking to him per se cause why would I do that, but he just happened to be next to me. Then up rushes our Tyrant. He announces that the vessel has been stolen. He saw the culprits trying to take off so he jumped in front of their jeep, risking his life for the arc, but they drove around him and into the night. The takeaway from this whole story from the Tyrant was that it was Mana Montana's fault because he knew the guy (the girl was an FNG). Tyrant was not happy when Montana couldn't provide him with the guy's phone (he doesn't have one, and he's leaving island this week), or anyone else who did have it. But, Mana Montana did know where the guy lived. Seeing his reign slipping away from him, our Tyrant pulled a desperate move: he sought the help of our best flyer. "Two Buck!" he cried, "Jump into your tiny white car that you fly around the island with, and go find our Arc!." And off Two Buck sped.
Meanwhile, the show must go on. The stand in vessel was a frisbee (great choice) and the stand-in mantle was some sort of cloth thingy. Everyone agreed it was a dick move to steal the vessel (we're all BiBubbleYum's tonight), but then the cracks in the coalition started forming. Bambi, since there wasn't enough drah-mah, accused Blowhole of Honey-potting the Tyrant and talking to him to distract him while the theft was going down. Blowhole counter-accused by saying that Bambi said he was this thief's best friend on island. Mana Montana again got blamed for being an acquaintance of the guy, as did Log Jammin.
But what about the Tyrant you might be asking? Viagra correctly pointed out that the arc is like the presidential football. Chain that thing to your wrist, and don't let our nuclear codes (scriptures) out of your grasp. The last time this went down was mid-2013 when Missed Her Bullseye stole the mantle (RA Gangbanger was sleeping on the job). Tyrant Tube Top, to get it back, set up a blockade, and each car had to be searched by Shatter My Shitter. Seriously, it sucked. Missed Her Bullseye managed to smuggle it out in his pants, took it around the world on deployment, brought it back, got duct taped to a tree for an entire religion, And loved every second of it.
In a move no one will remember, Brovaltine drove all the way to Agat with the full moon vessel. He was applauded in a taciturn manner, but most everyone was still in shock over the loss of the real vessel. And then, a hero appeared. Two Buck, with the arc! For once, clapping was allowed on the hash! We're saved! Mana Montana (who had already left) doesn't have to die! Tyrant can stay tyrant! Hooray! Two Buck then gave us his account of the Arc rescue. Armed with the knowledge of where this guy lived, he raced back to Tamuning and actually beat the guy home. He was waiting in his driveway when the thief pulled up. "hey, can we have our Arc back please?" "Uh, what arc?" "Listen buddy, I drove all the way back from Agat. I'm in your driveway for a reason. Just give us back the Arc and no one gets hurt." "Uh, okay, sorry Mr. Two Buck sir. Here you go." I think we now have our nominee for hasher of the year. Honor to Two Buck and the best fly of his career!
On-on to the 1789!