Hares: McPeanut, Drip Lip
Box: Southern Mountain Overlook
On-Home: Water tower in Umatac
Trail Summary: The good news is, this trail was better than the last one McPeanut set, a run I fondly remember as the McPeanutbutter and Diarrhea sandwich. If this rate of improvement continues, we can project that McPeanut will set a decent trail sometime around, oh, 2018 or so. Keep at it buddy, we believe in you.
Hounds were warned beforehand that trail would be long, but were told to expect a bailout point about halfway through. This promise created a lot of false hope, and the entire time up the steep Umatac slope to the southern ridge, innocent new hashers kept asking if we were almost at the bailout. Nope, nowhere close. Oh, and the whole mountain was infested with bees. Once we hit the top we took a U-turn and went down the next ridge. We got to the bottom of the ridge as the sun was setting -- still no bailout -- and entered Fire Ant River. After a half mile or so of that torture, now in total darkness, we came across hare Drip Lip, who informed us that (a) this was the bailout point, (b) trail continued for another two miles or so in the gnarly river before coming up to the on-home, and (c) the on-home was still about a mile and a half up the road from where we were, and cars were the same distance in the opposite direction. Only Viagra and Diddle Debbie ran the entire trail, and they got in well after dark. Hares trickled in one by one, with the exception of Tiny Dancer, who was still ascending the mountain well after night fell.
The hares were smart enough to skip their own religion. Without them, and with several regular hashers off-island including our tyrant and songmaster, religion was a pretty deserted affair. Most of the night was spent unveiling the story of how Just Just Fae punched Bambi on trail. Yeah, trail sucks and Bambi gets punched for it, what else is new? The full story is this: a group of hashers including Fae, Bambi, Likes Cock, and myself were all on trail and saw that the people ahead of us had no marks. We called out RU and they said Flying, so we veered right and found true trail. As I started down true trail, someone else called out RU and the other group said, for the first time, that there were bees on true trail. BEES?! I immediately turned and scrambled back up the slope. Likes Cock said he would check if there were really bees, and ran through un-stung. Encouraged by this, Fae started down the slope with Bambi right behind her. She immediately got stung half a dozen times and hightailed it back up the slope, clocking Bambi in the process. Fae got named Bee KO, making her the next in what is sure to be a long line of people named for assaulting Bambs. Some safety tips here kids:
1. If you find out there are bees on your path, go somewhere else, where bees are not.
2. If you ignore #2, be the first person to go. Bees usually don't sting the first person.
3. If you are Bambi, avoid women on trail. They are historically more dangerous than bees.
Through the retelling of this story, and well past religion, Tiny Dancer was still stuck on top of the mountain. The hares couldn't get any of the normal rescuers to go back, because no one wanted to return to Fire Ant Hell. Tiny announced on Facebook that he would be spending the night in the jungle, assuring us all that it was a beautiful spot and, really, he would quite enjoy sleeping under the stars. Honestly it sounded pretty nice.
To their credit, the hares eventually brought him down. Honor to them and to everyone who stuck around until his safe return. They say on clear nights, you can still hear an eerie wind whistling over the mountain, Hold me closer, tiny dancer...
On on to the 1788!
What happens on the hash, stays on the hash, except when it's written in the Hash Trash.